Welcome back! Previously, the arrival of triplets brought a swift and certain end to Kirstin’s career plans. Radax was quick to rub her nose in it; he tricked her into promoting him not once, but twice. Throw in a winter fling with Nancy Docket and he’s pretty much the Worst Human Ever.
Now his sweet young daughter may be looking to steal the title for herself.
Cat: What are you doing on my lawn, you piece of trash?
Snowgrim: You literally built me two seconds ago.
Cat: A likely story.
Cat: ~TERRIFYING BATTLE CRY~
Why can’t I get away from these types? D:
Rather than terrorize snowfolk, our overworked parents have chosen to vent their anger on their least favourite child.
Radax: Seriously Robin, why you gotta suck so much?
Kirstin: Yeah, why can’t you be more like your brothers?
Meanwhile, she’s actually the only one not wailing as this picture is being taken. Good stuff, guys.
Of course, we could never let Nancy see the shitshow that lives downstairs. Not when she looks like this.
Nancy: Hey there, Mr. Maitland. I’m so happy you called.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Figuring his hormones are only addled by fatherhood, I take the liberty of adding Nancy to the household, for there will come a time when he wants to make pretty green ginger babies with her. (I also make the executive decision that that time is now. :D)
Radax: Hey Cat, how do you feel about sleeping downstairs tonight?
Cat: Fifty bucks.
Radax: I don’t have that kind of money!
Cat: Yeah? Maybe you should get a real job instead of being a petty crim—
Radax: OKAY OKAY, go back to sleep.
How to make a girl fall in love with you: take her just across the street so your wife and kids won’t find out, and stick your tongue down her throat.
Then begins the young lovers’ quest for a community lot where they can woohoo. First stop: the gym.
Radax: Doh, I forgot the showers were gender-segregated!
Nancy: Somehow this isn’t quite what I pictured…
Their romantic stroll through the mausoleum seems promising, but they’re both dead on their feet after five minutes.
Nancy: Look, why don’t we just come clean to your wife? Meaning no offence, but I’d feel better about all this, and it would save us a lot of trouble.
Radax: *sigh* I guess I can do that…
After setting Nancy up with a bed in the decoy house, Radax retreats to the basement.
Nancy: Why do I get the feeling he chickened out?
Probably because he did.
Remy: Did somebody say “chicken”?
Unfortunately, the basement isn’t much of a safe haven these days.
Kudos to Kirstin though, who’s been working hard to keep the toddlers skilling.
Kirstin: Good, now Gwamma will be back in just a second, okay?
Kirstin: Oh Raaaaaaadax, there’s a poopy diaper with your name on it!
Radax: Devil woman…
But at the end of the day, in whatever snippets of silence they can get, Kradax really are made for each other…
Those ginger babies had better be worth it. 😡
Though I dunno, Cat really doesn’t seem the type to let a baby sibling outshine her.
Cat: Yes, Child Protective Services? My parents haven’t done their dishes in six days, and they just installed an outdoor toilet. I’m real frightened, sir.
Demon child one minute, dutiful sister the next. I don’t get it.
Cat: Is there a problem, officer?
Her angelic smile could use some work, however.
When Mom and Dad are at work, there’s only so much damage control a kid can do.
Cat: No Robin. Bad Robin. Get down from there. Oh well, I tried.
Especially when the third adult of the house is confined to the pretty part.
Note in fridge: Hey Nancy, had a great time last night. We’ll talk more when I’m done work. In the meantime, help yourself to this stale birthday cake. Love, Radax. P.S. That thing behind the curtain is definitely not a door.
Nancy: Gee, how thoughtful.
With babies running wild climbing ladders and shit, it’s only a matter of time before the facade springs a leak.
Nancy: Oh, you poor child! Let’s get you out of the cold!
(Can you tell I was too lazy to restyle Nancy’s outerwear?)
Cat: You know, there are two more needy kids where that one came from.
Nancy: How horrible! Where are these children?
Cat: Come on, I’ll show you.
And just like that, Radax’s carefully-constructed cover is blown.
Nancy: Oh my! Poor Mr. Maitland has been living on top of a kidnapper’s cavern all this time!
Cat: Vengeance is sweet.
Luckily, Nancy knows just how to deal with a child abduction situation.
Nancy: We’re going to have a party!
A NO MORE TODDLERS party, that is! I hear those things can get rowdy.
I don’t remember any of their new traits except that Flynn is Insane. Raincheck on the others? XD
Nancy: Are you feeling better about being kidnapped, Remy?
Remy: Kidnapped? Nah man, I live here.
Nancy: Born in captivity! Oh, you poor baby.
A little less poor now that Kirstin’s been promoted!
That bonus goes straight into the “Don’t Watch Me Pee” fund.
In cooperation with the “Sorry Cat, You’re Back to the Basement” charity.
Cat: I’mma beat you.
There’s still money to spare after that, so we go a little nuts with these classy plastic chairs.
The rest just gets rearranged—including the support beams, of which there are now only two. Structural stability is for noobs.
Being that we can’t exactly keep Kirstin locked underground, a few more slip-ups are inevitable…
Kirstin: Tell me you’re not in bed with another woman!
Radax: Crap. I’m uh, just trying to steal her wallet. Nothing happened, I swear it!
Do you still swear it?
Radax: Why won’t the hearts go away? Make them go away!!
Nancy: You can’t hide our love forever, Mr. Maitland.
I don’t know about you guys, but I think Flynn might be adopted.
Radax: Cool hair.
Flynn: Thanks, you too.
They’re all bro-y and stuff until Flynn brings up a topic of actual substance.
Flynn: So how come Cat got a real birthday party and we didn’t?
Radax: Aaaaand I’m out.
Flynn: Sheesh. I hope I grow up to be a better version of you.
Flynn: Our fathers were evil men. They left the world worse than they found it. We’re not going to do that. We’re going to leave the world better than we found it!
Remy: Settle down, Khaleesi.
Flynn: Shut up, Picasso.
I’m trying to make the kids productive in this legacy, but we can only afford one easel… and really, what else is a kid to do?
Robin: Dance until our feet bleed!
Cat leaves her sister to do just that, and tries her hand at the Easy Bake Oven. She’s a natural and produces a lovely batch of vanilla muffins which I leave to rot in her inventory.
Upstairs, yet another awkward encounter.
Nancy: How did you escape from the kidnapper’s lair?!
Remy: I was drawn by your smokin’ hot body, baby.
Nancy: Oh dear.
Nancy: Psssst, I think I’m carrying Radax’s love child!
Good. Please tell it to be a ginger.
Most of the household chores are falling on Nancy these days because I’m too mean to get her a real job. And of course, that means constantly taking care of this lost little bird.
Robin: Are you my mommy?
Nancy: For the four-thousandth time— *sigh* Okay, fine, I’ll be your mommy.
Looks like Kirstin’s getting her wish after all.
And really, it’s quite a clever arrangement. It leaves her free to be the cool grandma.
Remy: Man, it’s so awesome that my grandma is a jewel thief.
Kirstin: More like curtains and patio lights, but sure.
One of the tidbits Nancy found in the mailbox was this wedding present from Brandon Woods, Kirstin’s old BFF. I guess we know how he feels about that union…
“Dear Kirstin and Radax, here is a wagon of sheep dung. Enjoy your life together.”
Nancy’s Social Butterfly trait does not mix well with being a caged Stepford Wife Baby Oven. Merciful being that I am, I let her out for a day.
Nancy: Oh, thank goodness, a real live human! I think I love you!
This obviously works out really well for her.
Nancy: At least I have my bastard baby. *rolls wish for a boy* And I shall call him Jon Snow.
The triplets lucked out—they aged into children just before a weekend, which means they can do all kinds of fun things before they even experience school! Like venturing to random community lots all alone.
Radax: (dammit, I really just did that)
Flynn: I’m gonna swim all the way to Bridgeport! Because I can!
That’s the spirit.
Flynn: Take that, Mama! I’m swimming in the rain!
Because your mother is definitely the type who would care…
Flynn: Do you care now, Mama?
I doubt she can hear you over the beauty of that sunset.
Flynn: What gives, Mom? I did all the dangerous activities today and you couldn’t muster up a little discipline?
Nancy: Haha. Wait, is he serious?
Flynn: Hey, I’m talking to you!
This is going to be the most confused household ever when the new baby comes.
Radax hasn’t been rolling wishes one way or the other, so he typically alternates sleeping in the hideout and the decoy house. Mostly, work keeps him too busy to interact with either woman anyway (as you can clearly see here).
Nancy: Oh thank goodness, a familiar face!
Radax: Sorry Nancy, I got business to attend to.
So she settles for fangirling him from behind.
Nancy: You go, Radax! You throw those darts!
And then he leaves, and she throws the darts waaaay better. She’s a dart addict, this one.
I can’t tell if Robin’s face is going to be an awesome combination of Kradax’s features, or just the ugliest thing ever. All I know is she likes taking “delightful bubblebaths” when everyone’s trying to get ready for school.
Robin: I need my me time!
Well, if everyone got their “me time” around here, there’d be anarchy. Gtfo.
That said, I think we have the pre-schoolbus routine down. The kids get up at staggered times, eat some cake, use the bathroom, and then boogy down ‘til it’s time to go.
Flynn: All aboard the fun train!
Cat: Don’t indulge him, Robin.
There’s just one kink in the system…
Remy: Jeez Robin, do you wanna climb any slower?
Flynn: Why can’t we all climb at once?
LADDER SAFETY IS IMPORTANT OKAY.
Poor Cat, somehow last up the ladder, misses the bus and is further detained by a grandmotherly scolding.
Cat: I was about to get out of here too…
Kirstin: Why am I doing the scolding? NANCY THIS IS YOUR JOB!
Kirstin: Keep a tighter leash on your kids next time, eh ginge?
Nancy: We really need to sort out this living arrangement…
That we do, but we can at least buy more time by adding a (totally sanitary) kitchen/bathroom, complete with a REAL DOOR!
On the outside it’s a lopsided mess. The neighbours may start to suspect that the Maitlands’ lives aren’t perfect! :O
Nancy: Pardon, but this doesn’t make me any more comfortable with the way of things.
Radax: *dreaming of the monster that he is*
What’s the matter, Cat?
Cat: My application to CPS was denied. Apparently we have “an abundance of parental figures” and “a pristine albeit asymmetrical house.”
Pity. Why don’t you go play with your sister?
Robin: This block is blue, just like my haaiir ❤
I mean, you two are clearly cut of the same cloth. XD
And that’s a wrap on this instalment! Thanks for bearing with me through that stupidly long absence—I’ll spare you my flimsy excuses. 😉 Good news is I think I can finish this generation in three more chapters, so—fingers crossed—we’re more than halfway there!